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Image by Robert Lukeman

Possibly useful ideas to consider

I have found several great theories during my studies and the ones listed below have become my favourites. They have proven to be very useful and clarifying in life coaching. I will briefly explain them.

 

Deci and Ryan (1998): Authors have developed a universal theory (meaning it applies to everybody regardless of age, culture, gender, history) that says that everybody has a certain need for autonomy, relatedness and competence to feel well. When there is a shortage in one of the three, the person will not feel well and will be driven to restore the balance. In addition, the three interact with each other. A good example of extreme unwell-being was caused by the lockdowns, especially for the young people. The need for relatedness was brought to a zero: everybody was locked up in their houses or even worse in their 12 m2 student rooms. Autonomy has been brought to a zero: measures have been imposed by governments. All education and work either stopped or had to be done online, which has a strong impact on competence (study results and work results). This is only the top of the iceberg.

 

Irrational behavior: Action is mostly driven by emotion and less by logic. Strong emotions such as fear, greed, shame, guilt have a strong impact on decision making. At the same time rational decision making appear to be more effective and leading to more success. There are many biases (irrationality) in decision making that most people are not aware of. A good example is that there are people who prefer to live in a ‘known hell’ to living in an ‘unknown heaven’. Fear of the unknown heaven is stronger than the certainty of living in a known hell.

Judgement and decision making: the best decisions are rational and the best forecasts are supported by statistics (P. Tetlock and D. Gardner, 2015 ‘Super forecasting’). To make the best decisions one has to separate rationality from irrationality and to add statistics to it. In addition, the more different angles of the topic one can consider, the better the decision will be. Are you aware of how you make your decisions that also have an effect long term (mortgage, savings, crypto’s, investments, just to name a few)?

 

Social media, social comparison and marketing: I have written my marketing thesis on FoMO (fear of missing out) and other concepts such as social comparison, financial behavior and greed. To make a very long story short: social media increases social comparison and therefore stimulates anxiety but can also lead to depression. Everybody must know that social media is addictive. Social comparison can also lead to purchases that one cannot afford or were even unwanted. How does social media influence your life and well-being?

 

Some ideas about financial problems, scarcity thinking and tunnel vision (S. Mullainathan & E. Shafir, 2013). Scarcity thinking is a focus on making ends meet, on a shortage of money. This focus creates tunnel vision. Basically what happens is that a person with financial problems solves these problems with expensive short term solutions, that will increase the financial problems in the long run. A person simply cannot see beyond the tunnel vision anymore. Do you have enough slack in your life to avoid the tunnel vision? Can you do your maths on financial decisions? Do you have independent financial expert help to advise you on big decisions?

 

Karpman triangle (S. Karpman, 1968): There are three interacting roles that create never ending drama i.e. rescuer, victim and persecutor. As long as two people take up a role, the drama can continue. It can only stop when one person quits the role so the co-dependency stops. The people involved in this triangle can even feel valued (a sense of purpose) taking up one of these roles. However, eventually you will feel frustrated and drained. Once you see your part in it, the drama can stop and you will feel energized and free.

 

Other favorite topics of mine are: Coaching for performance, Dark triad (narcissism, psychopathy and machiavellism) and Motivation

(intrinsic and extrinsic).

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